He's Listening

I had a "come to Jesus" moment.

I've been struggling for awhile. It seems that life is really hard, sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of myself let alone 2 little kids. It just doesn't seem fair. I feel like I struggle to do everything I do sometimes. I felt like I was coming to a breaking point and I was looking for ways to relieve that pressure and so I decided that I was going to quit church. Other people don't go to church and they seem happy, so why not me. I even tried it one week but I felt so incredibly guilty, I had a Primary class to teach every week, I couldn't just quit. But then I was released. My plan was working out perfectly.

Then Brother Merrill called and said the Bishop wanted to meet with me and could I bring Dustin too? I really tried to get out of it, we're too busy, we just don't have the time. But the Bishop was too accommodating and we ended up setting up a time to go in. As I thought about my appontment in those hours before we went in, a thought came to me that the Primay Presidency is being reorganized and there was a spot for me. And then I realized that is where I needed to be. I'm not in charge, I can't see the bigger picture. Just maybe I need to have a little faith and turn it all over to the Lord. Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me that doesn't include quitting church. I just need to do my part.

So Dustin and I went in and the Bishop asked me to be the second counselor in the Primary Presidency. I said, "Okay."
Bishop Downs said, "Are you sure because you can take a few days to consider things and talk them over with Dustin."
"No, it's fine," I said and we talked about Dustin helping with the boys and how things are going with our family.

Later as we walked out and got into the truck, Dustin said, "You know, it's okay to say no. You don't have to accept if you don't want to."
But how do you say no when you've already received confirmation that is where you are supposed to be even before you go in? Apparently I had such a pained look on my face that it looked as if someone was poking me in the back with a sharp stick, forcing me to say yes.

I realized from this experience and the Lord is listening and he does answer you, in ways that you aren't expecting it. I feel much calmer about the future now and not quite so alone. I can do this and I don't feel quite so alone. Nothing has changed - except for my attitude.

I also realized that Luke and Grant have much to learn and it's up to me to teach them. I need to step up to the plate and help them as much as I can. And I can do it, I have help.